Human Attachments

The Origin of Human Attachments

All attachments originate from the ego-self.

What is an ego? Do we all have an ego-self?

An ego is an identity of any individual. Yes, we all have an ego-self, with no exception.

As soon as a baby begins his or her perceptions through the five senses, that baby begins to develop an identity, such as “this toy is mine” and “I want this.” Well, there is nothing wrong with that initial identification. However, as time passes by, the human ego may continue to expand and inflate to the extent that it may become problematic with all its attachments.

What is the ego-self?

Simply look at yourself in front of a mirror. What do you see?

A self-reflection. Is it for real? Can you actually touch it? Not really; it is only a reflection of someone real—the real you in front of the mirror!

Now, do something totally different. Place a baby—if there is one immediately available—in front of the mirror. See what happens. The baby might crawl toward the baby in the mirror. Why? It is because the baby in front of the mirror might think that the baby in the mirror is another baby, and just not his or her own reflection.

Likewise, the ego-self may look real, but it is not real. To think otherwise is self-deception.

How is the ego-self formed?

Descartes, the great French philosopher, made his very famous statement: “I think, therefore I am.” Accordingly, you think and you then become what you think you are—the byproducts of all your thoughts and your own thinking.

Unfortunately, Descartes’ famous statement is only partially true: it is true that you identify yourself with all your thoughts projected into your thinking mind; but it is not true that your identities thus created by your thoughts and your own thinking truly reflect your true self. The fact of the matter is that you are not your thoughts, and your thoughts are not you. To think otherwise is a human flaw, which is no more than self-delusion or self-illusion. In other words, you are not what and who you think you really are.

Gradually, all your life experiences with their own respective messages—the pleasant as well as the unpleasant, the positive as well as the negative—are all stored at the back of your subconscious mind in the form of your assumptions, attitudes, causal concepts, and memories.

Accumulated over the years, millions and billions of such experiences and messages have become the raw materials with which you subconsciously weave the fabrics of your life, making you who and what you have now become—or so you think. In other words, they have now become your “realities” or your ego-self with its many attachments to make you believe you are what you think or wish you were.

Likewise, a baby originally does not have the ego-self (at least, not yet), and thus sees the reflected image in the mirror as another baby. But you, on the other hand, with your own ego-self, see the reflected image in the mirror as the same you, and not a different person. So, your ego-self is simply a reflection of you; what you see in the mirror is not real, just a reflection. But the problem is: you think it is the real you, and your false identity may lead to an identity crisis.

Learn how to let go of your attachments to the material world that define who you think you are, and these attachments may include your attachments to money and wealth, career and success, among others.

Stephen Lnd au

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Letting Go to Let God

THE MIRACLE OF LETTING GO TO LET GOD

Spiritual wisdom facilitates the process of humans’ letting go, and spiritual wisdom comes from faith, which is belief in God.

“Belief in God” means complete trust in Him that has to be expressed and validated by obedience; in other words, let go to let God.

Does the wisdom of letting God sound simple and straightforward?

According to Albert Einstein, knowing and understanding are the essentials of wisdom—they are also critical to attaining the wisdom of letting go to let God.

The mysteries and the manifestations

Have more knowledge of the invisible and the inexplicable that is happening to you and also around you, as well as have better understanding of the mysteries and the manifestations of all things created by God, who is the origin of all things. His Creation has been one of the most controversial, profound, and unfathomable mysteries since the beginning of time, while all the things subsequently originating from His creations are only further manifestations of the mysteries of His Creation.

God-given image and man-made identity

Letting go to let God begins with believing in the mysteries and manifestations of human creation: we are all created in the image of God.

“So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them;
male and female he created them.”

(Genesis 1: 27)

                  

What does that really mean, and what is the wisdom in that?

You may never know why you were created in the first place, but one thing you know for sure is that not only you are different from all His other creations but also all humans are uniquely different from one another in that respect—just like the uniqueness in humans’ fingerprints. The wisdom is that you, just like everybody else, have His image, and this is indeed a blessing. That also means you  have a spirit within you that not only defines who you are, but also connects you somehow and somewhat to and with Him in a uniquely individual way, because your image is a reflection of Him. In other words, we all have a unique identity of our own, which is composed of some of the attributes of the Creator.

Living in the material world, you may also have consciously and subconsciously created another image of your own—a man-made identity, or an ego-self. If you are more aware of your man-made identity, you may then become less conscious of your God-given image. Your attachments that have created your own man-made identity may then slowly and imperceptibly detach and distance yourself from your God-given image.

The bottom line: letting go of some, if not all, of your attachments to your man-made identity may enhance your God-given image within you. Do you always identify yourself with the car you drive, the neighborhood you live in, the social circles you belong to, and the career you have taken up? All these attachments in the material world may have created your own man-made identity, but not your God-given image. Just think about that.

Let go to let God define your own identity.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Make Your Smart Baby Super Smart

All parents want their babies to develop and grow up smart. Smartness has much to do with the genes of the parents: that is, how much time they are willing to spend on cultivating an environment for their babies to grow and learn.

The following is taken from my book: Make Your Smart Baby Super Smart:

The first three years are critical to emotional intelligence and intellectual development that ultimately affect and shape the adult life of your baby.

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is the use of mental skills to understand, perceive, and explain certain human emotions and feelings in order to promote better thinking and to enhance greater cognitive activities. Most importantly, it helps an adult to manage his or her own emotions in a positive way—this is vital to living a happy life through better relationships and greater understanding of others.

Building emotional health and personal identity of your baby is the groundwork of his subsequent emotional intelligence.

Do give your baby the best first three years of his life. Do understand that your interactions with your baby define his expectations of the world, and shape his attitudes towards life in general.

According to famous psychologist Erik Erikson, trust holds the key to openness to new experiences, and new opportunities for leaning; your baby’s trust stems from being loved and nurtured, as well as feeling safe and secure, in the first few years of his life. Do give your baby that love and sense of security. Remember, you can never turn back the clock.

A baby’s feeling of trust is built upon good bonding between the baby and the parents. These are some of the dos and don’ts to build your baby’s trust:

Do establish direct physical contact: do make every effort to snuggle your baby as much and as often as possible. According to research studies, babies at age two, having had better bonding with their parents, demonstrate better social and problem-solving skills, as well as more creativity in their play.

Do spend time with your baby. One interesting study found that one common characteristic of all who did well in the Scholastic Aptitude Tests (SATs): they all ate dinner with their parents on a regular basis. If you must go to work, make sure that your spouse or the grandparents can spend some time with your baby.

Do learn to read and interpret your baby’s signals to communicate his needs to you, and respond appropriately. Do teach him sign language so that he can communicate with you even before he can speak.

Do meet all your baby’s needs. You can spoil a toddler or a child, but you can never spoil a baby. Secure emotions enhance the development of emotional intelligence in the brain. Do make every effort to meet his needs to help his brain develop his emotional intelligence at an early age.

Do create a stress-free environment for your baby. Don’t argue or fight in front of your baby. Stress increases your baby’s hormone cortisol, which can make your baby become anxious, impulsive, and hyperactive later on as he grows up.

Do provide affirmative messages to your baby. Before three years old, your baby will instinctively absorb all messages you send him, and will automatically internalize them in his subconscious mind. Repeat and repeat as often as possible affirmative messages, such as “You’re a smart kid” or “You’re super smart; you can do anything you want to.” Do make use of this timeframe to help him create a positive self-image. Don’t say any damaging remark no matter how frustrating you are with his behavior; he will remember your words for the rest of his life even though you may not mean what you say.

Do teach your two-year-old (known as “terrible two”) self-control; his personality may have become defiant and uncooperative because he is learning and struggling with his own self-control. Do respond with a clear and definitive “No!” followed by a calm explanation; this may help your child understand why he cannot always have his way. Don’t criticize or physically intervene his action while losing your temper; you may be cultivating his defiance towards authority figures.

Do teach your baby orderliness, which is putting things where they belong. For example, you can show your toddler where to put his toys or how to clean up after playtime. Orderliness will help him see how the world works later as he grows up. Your child needs to get the satisfaction from doing things himself, such as cleaning and tidying his room or playroom. Don’t spoil your child by doing everything yourself.   

Intellectual Development

You are the most important role model for your baby’s intellectual development. If you like to read, your child will learn to read at any early age.

My Own Reflection

Wanting my daughter to have the best intellectual development, I began teaching her how to read as early as she was eight months old. Surprisingly, she learned how to read as soon as she was thirty months old. Before long, she could read faster than I. My point is that any intellectual development has to be cultivated and nurtured. If you want your baby to be an early reader, spend time reading

Emotional intelligence is essentially awareness of one’s emotions and feelings, as well as those of others. Likewise, intellectual development in a baby is contingent on the parental awareness of the emotional development of the baby. Do become aware of your baby’s development, which is a reflection of his own emotional growth; the following usually occurs within the first year:

Your baby begins to show sensitivity to loud sounds and bright lights. Do hold and snuggle him more.

Your baby begins to recognize your voice and turn to make eye contact with you. Do look at your baby more often.

Your baby begins to develop his social smile. Do reward it with your warm smile.

Your baby begins to enjoy the company of other people. Do have people, such as grandparents, around your baby.

Your baby begins to imitate movements and facial expressions. Do make movements with your hands and fingers, as well as with your eyes and mouth.

Your baby begins to laugh when playing to express his pleasure. Do laugh while playing with your baby.

Your baby begins to raise his arms to be picked up. Do pick up your baby.

Your baby begins to complain when confined to his crib or playpen. Do let your baby out.

All of the above may develop in your baby before age-one. Do try to meet all your baby needs to comply with his emotional development, thereby instrumental in enhancing his intellectual development. 

 Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Ancient Wisdom and Aging

Ancient Wisdom and Aging

The human body has built-in body wisdom that keeps it young and healthy, that is, an innate awareness of its basic needs, as well as its warning signs and signals of internal disharmony that may lead to imminent disease and disorder. Therefore, wisdom is required to enhance this human consciousness to create a new environment in which the biochemistry of the body becomes the substance of awareness of beliefs, emotions, and thoughts, thereby instrumental in maintaining and sustaining the overall wellness of an individual to remain disease-free as much as and as long as possible.

Body wisdom is no more than everyday eating and living habits. Eating is a science, and living is an art; they complement each other, just as "yin" and "yang" do. Human wisdom is, essentially, the capability in creating and managing this art and science to live a better and a longer life.

Ancient wisdom plays a pivotal role in aging. Ancient wisdom, however, is not the same as contemporary wisdom. The former has more to ays do with the mind -- how it thinks and perceives; the latter focuses more on knowledge acquisition, and its practical applications in life.

To illustrate, Lao Tzu, an ancient sage in China some 2,600 years ago, was the author of the immortal Chinese classic "Tao Te Ching," which is one of the most translated and extensively read books of all time. According to legend, Lao Tzu wanted to leave China for Tibet, but he was stopped at the city gate, where he was forced to put down his wisdom in writing before he could leave. Reluctantly, he expressed his profound and eternal wisdom in only 5,000 words, and that was how "Tao Te Ching" came into being..

How is the role of Tao wisdom in living a better and a longer life?

Lao Tzu's wisdom is unique in that it emphasizes "reverse" thinking of the human mind, instead of the "conditioned" contemporary mindset. In other words, one must, first and foremost, have an empty mind before one can even think out of the box, not to mention creating one's own box in thinking. To illustrate, Lao Tzu's focus on "under-doing" (as opposed to "over-doing" or "the more, the better" contemporary mindset), "living in the present" (as opposed to "multi-tasking" modern lifestyle), and "no expectation of result" (as opposed to "goal-oriented" or "goal-setting" attitude of this day and age) is conducive to creating internal peace and harmony, which is the essence of living a stress-free life. The essentials of Tao wisdom are fundamental to the art of living well and the science of healthy living without stress.

In addition, Lao Tzu believed that true wisdom lies in internalizing and self-intuiting eternal truths. Unlike contemporary wisdom, Tao wisdom has no blueprint for all -- just as the health of an individual is based on the unique body chemistry of that individual; true wisdom, therefore, is acute awareness of the needs of the body, which is known exclusively only to that individual.

Another example of ancient wisdom is that of Hippocrates (377-460 BC), the "Father of Medicine." His basic principles of health and wellness are profound. For example, Hippocrates said: "Let food be your medicine and medicine be your food." His wisdom is quite contrary to the conventional wisdom of modern medicine, which overtly emphasizes the use of drugs. The United States is the riches but also the sickest country in the world, and our healthcare costs have skyrocketed in recent decades.

Hippocrates also expressed his wisdom in the art of living: "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." The wisdom of modern medicine focuses on cure through drugs and procedures, rather than prevention through a holistic approach to health and wellness of the body, the mind, and the spirit. The wisdom of modern medicine is simply on quick fixing the symptoms, instead of preventing their occurrence in the first place.

The wisdom of Hippocrates echoed that of Lao Tzu's "non-doing" or "under-doing" when he said: "To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy." According to Hippocrates, "everything in excess is opposed to nature" because of the presence of the innate body wisdom in self-healing. Unfortunately, modern medicine chooses to do just the opposite, and thus opening the Pandora's box, creating many more human diseases and disorders through toxic drugs and procedures.

To conclude, wisdom is about acute awareness and profound perception through the human eye to see things as they really are, without looking at them through colored spectacles. 

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Don't Look Like Santa Claus!

Don't Look Like Santa Claus!

Santa Claus is a mythical figure loved by children because he always brings presents during Christmas. Santa is imaginary and therefore he will be around next Christmas. However, if you wish to be around when he comes back next Christmas, then don’t look like Santa Claus. Your body shape is a good indicator of your current health conditions.

If your body shape is like that of an apple, that is, with extra weight in the midsection, you may have a propensity for diabetes, high blood pressure, and stroke further down the road. The reason is that in a beer belly, your abdominal fat is more easily converted into cholesterol, and hence ultimately affecting your heart health. On the other hand, if your body shape is like that of a pear, that is, with extra weight around the hips instead of in the midsection, you may be less at risk for heart disease.

If you don’t want to look like Santa Clause, be mindful of your body shape. Exercise your body and manage your body weight.

Yoga is the best exercise not only to normalize your muscle tone, as well as to balance the activity of opposing muscle groups, but also to enhance your physical and mental awareness. They all play a pivotal part in weight loss. Remember, effective weight management is more than about eating fewer calories through dieting; the mind and the spirit also contribute to your body metabolism. Because of its holistic approach to wellness, Yoga exercise also requires the application of its basic principle of nutrition, which is the consumption of small quantities of high-quality life-giving foods, such as fresh fruits, vegetables, whole grains and nuts, with meat in strict moderation.

Your Golden Years and Santa Claus shows you al the dos and don’t of Santa Claus to help you live your very best in your golden years.

Stephen Lau

Copyright © Stephen Lau

The Watcher and the Observer

 The Watcher and the Observer

“The Creator seems elusive amid the changes of life.

At times, He seems to have forsaken His creations.

In reality, He is simply observing the comings and goings of their follies.

Likewise, we watch the comings and goings

of our likes and dislikes, of our desires and fears.

But we do not identify with them.

With no judgment and no preference,

we see the mysteries of creation.”

Lao Tzu

We are living in a world of war and violence.

How could the Creator permit such evil to persist? Has the Creator forsaken those who are just and righteous?

If you choose to ask the Creator the above questions, maybe you should also ask yourself the same questions.

The bottom line: never ever judge; injustice in the physical world is one of the mysteries to be resolved by the Creator, and not by you, because you are in the world and not of the world. Like the Creator, just watch and observe, and let things happen the way they are supposed to—that is the wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China, more than 2,600 years ago. We all want things our way, and that is why there is conflict in the first place.

As aging continues, you will begin to understand that you cannot have anything and everything your way or no way.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Anger

 Anger

Anger or rage is an ineffective and inefficient way to resolve any issue or make any problem go away. It is a negative emotion that may lead to depression, if it is not properly addressed.

An illustration

Donna Alexander, the creator of the “Anger Room” in Chicago, first thought of the idea as a teenager living in Chicago. Having witnessed much domestic violence and many conflicts at school as a teenager, Donna Alexander finally decided to create a space where anyone can lash out without serious consequences. While at the “Anger Room,” the guests, after paying a fee, are given a safe space to unleash their anger and rage by smashing and destroying objects, such as glasses or even a TV. In addition, the room can also be set up to look like an office or a kitchen, where anger often becomes totally uncontrollable.

Thinking questions

Can you really hold off your anger until after you have checked in at the “Anger Room”?

If you are so accustomed to smashing and destroying many objects at the “Anger Room,” could you still restrain yourself from doing the same when your anger is sudden and unmanageable in the office or the kitchen?

                                                     

The reality

As much as 50 percent of human diseases may be psychosomatic. Therefore, it is not an overstatement that the mind and diseases are interconnected.

Dr. Caroline B. Thomas, M.D., of John Hopkins School of Medicine, discovered that cancer patients often had a prior poor relationship with their parents, attesting to the pivotal role of emotions in the development of cancer. In another study by Dr. Richard B. Shekelle of the University of Texas School of Medicine, it was found that depression patients were not only more cancer prone but also more likely to die of cancer than the other patients. If emotions play a pivotal role in cancer, by the same token, negative emotions may also adversely affect the symptoms or the prognosis of any human disease. Thoughts of anger, despair, discontent, frustration, guilt, or resentment are instrumental in depressing the physiological processes, including the human body’s immune response—a formula for promoting the development of an autoimmune disease.

According to other studies, strong negative emotions, such as anger, can create destructive mental energy that is health damaging. However, it must be pointed out that it is more damaging in not experiencing raging anger, or not wanting to experience it than in actually experiencing it. The former may cause diseases, or trigger a depression.

Conventional wisdom

Conventional wisdom is to use distraction to defuse and dissipate the sudden anger or rage.

Thomas Jefferson famously said, "When angry, count 10, before you speak; if very angry, 100." 

TAO wisdom

According to TAO, the wisdom of Lao Tzu, the ancient sage from China, take a deep breath, review the situation, and ask yourself one simple question: what is the original purpose of driving your car—to get to your destination, or to get angry?

Don’t hold your anger in; instead, let it go, by breathing it out. Don’t let it go as pain; instead, let it go as your acceptance. Your acceptance should be viewed not as a sign of your own weakness but as a statement of your own communication to yourself that getting to your destination is much more important than getting angry.

Remember, anger is always present to serve a purpose to release some deeper issues, problems, and internal conflicts that you may be carrying in your own bag and baggage all these years. It is always better to release anger than to turn it around to destroy yourself. Suppressing anger, on the other hand, is also self destructive, as the negative energy redirects itself back into your own body. Anger in itself is a path of destruction. Resolve anger by developing habits that may release internal conflicts in a constructive manner before it can be released as rage.

Remember, the world always reflects your actions. If you lash out in rage, then the world lashes back at you with that same rage causing pain or grief that still has to get resolved. There is no true “release” of anger, except by resolution.

TAO teaches that peace is the true warrior’s path. The sword while an option is never used with anger, or you may have lost from the start. According to Lao Tzu, “The best fighter is never becoming angry.”

Learn to do the following when you become angry:

Take a deep diaphragm breath (See Appendix B), and just feel it.

Just look at your anger in your mind.

Accept that you are now angry, and then slowly release your anger as you breathe it out.

If necessary, use your arm like a sword to sweep away your anger and cut through your feelings of anger, while saying: “I can see my anger: it is as it was.”

Subconsciously, we all exert a great deal of mental energy to hold on to the past, which is no more than what we think happened. In the now, what happened in the past is just a memory, and no longer there; all memories are no longer truths, but at best only guidelines for the future. That is to say, your anger is as it was. Just learn to release your anger over any issue. Anger on its own has no power at all, except the power you give it to make it real to you.

The bottom line: anger is often caused by an inflated ego that one has to be right about an issue; without an ego, nothing can anger or trouble you. Seek only your internal balance and harmony.

“We do not become aggressive when we are confronted.

We do not become angry when we are provoked.

We see neither an enemy nor a competitor,

because we do not seek our own way.

Knowing both our strengths and weaknesses,

we use them to complement one another.

Thus, we find balance and harmony.

Naturally and easily, we follow the Way.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 68)

Just do not let your anger depress you!

Avoid anger, especially as you continue to age: Aging and Revelation.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau