Adultery in Marriage

 

 

INFIDELITY IN MARRIAGE

 Tiger Woods, one of the world’s most famous and wealthiest golfers, was caught with his dark secrets of infidelities and lies in 2009. At first, he vehemently denied and even concealed them. But, eventually, he was more forthcoming and apologetic to his fans and his family at several press conferences:

 "I have let my family down and I regret those transgressions with all of my heart. I have not been true to my values and the behavior my family deserves. . . I am not without faults and I am far short of perfect. . . I was unfaithful, I had affairs and I cheated. What I did was unacceptable. I hurt my wife, my kids, my mother, my wife's family, my friends, my foundation and kids all around the world who admired me."

 But Tiger Woods’ serial adultery and cheating made it difficult for his wife to accept his sincerity and true repentance. They were divorced in 2010.

 Maybe in one of his statements to the public, Tiger Woods was telling the truth of adultery:

 “I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled, and thanks to money and fame, I didn't have to go far to find them.”

 Tiger Woods was awakened to the reality of accountability. With fame and money, he thought he could get away with anything. That was his self-awakening, but it came with a hefty price—a stain on his legacy.

The reality

 The purpose of a married couple is to glorify God in everything they say, do, or accomplish, and to be an expression of sacrificial love, grace, mercy, and justice to everyone—especially to each other and their children.

Biblical Adulteries

King David’s adulteries

In spite of his efforts in seeking God’s wisdom, King David also demonstrated his darker side of the sin of lust.

One night, King David saw Bathsheba, the wife of one of King David’s generals, bathing on the rooftop. Succumbing to his own sin of lust, King David sent for Bathsheba, and committed adultery with her. To gratify his lust, King David even purposely sent the general to the war front to have him killed so that he could marry the general’s widow.

King David eventually married Bathsheba. Although penitent for his sins, God punished King David, and their firstborn son died. 

King Solomon’s adulteries

King Solomon, the second son of King David, despite his profound human wisdom, violated God’s standards of sexual purity. His decision to disobey God and marry foreign women with their different gods led to his own idolatry. As a punishment for his sins, God divided Israel, and Solomon suffered bitterness and emptiness at the end of his life.

The difference between King David and King Solomon is that King David always lived in the presence of the Lord. So, King David always turned back to God with remorse and repentance, while King Solomon only distanced himself from God with no contrition and remorse.

So, living in the presence of the Lord always reminds you of your own accountability to Him, without which you will do anything and everything, thinking that you can get away with it.

The reality

Always live in the presence of the Shepherd. Always let the Shepherd guide you in the green pastures. Always let the Shepherd overcome your enemies of pride, lust, and deceit. Always let the Shepherd use His rod and staff not only to protect you but also to restrain and discipline you. Always let the Lord be your Shepherd throughout your marriage journey.

Adultery is a conscious and deliberate act to do just the opposite of what a marriage commitment requires. Adultery is prevalent because it has become the new “norm.” According to many, adultery is just a sin, not a crime, and everybody commits sins of some sort anyway. But adultery is a sin directly against God, who creates the marriage, joining the two as one. So, committing adultery is lack of accountability to God, and is unforgivable without judgment and repentance.

Getting Married to Make You Happy?

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

How to Pray

 How to Pray

Praying is never easy: often complicated, and even paradoxical.

You’ve got to know what you want so that you can ask what you want in order to get what you want.

So, before you pray, you must know your true self: who and what you really are, and not who and what you wish you were.

Praying is talking to God through your heart, and not your words; repeating a right set of words isn’t as important as your heart talking to Him.

Prayer is God’s gift to anyone who prays for that free gift.

So, to pray for that free gift, you must show your desire to feel God’s presence, which is in anyone and everyone, as well as in anything and everything.

Several decades ago, a former colleague of mine had the opportunity to meet and dine with Gladys Aylward, a British missionary to China, whose amazing story was made into a Hollywood film in 1958: “The Inn of the Sixth Happiness”, starring Ingrid Bergman.

My former colleague told me that at the dinner with Gladys she found it very “odd” that Gladys had repeated almost non-stop “Praise the Lord!” throughout the dinner—when someone passed her a dish, some bread, even salt and pepper, or when someone made a comment. It might not have looked “odd” to someone who’d like to feel the presence of God in every moment of his or her life.

So, from now on, whenever you say “Thank you” aloud, maybe you should also try to say in silence “Praise the Lord!” so that you may feel His presence in your heart.

To feel His omnipresence,  you must also still your thoughts with mindfulness, and live in the now.

Prayer is how you react and respond to His presence in your daily life.

Always begin your prayer with God, and not yourself.

Asking for your needs is self-delusional: God already knows your needs.

Asking for your wants is self-sabotaging: trying to make God change His mind about what He has already wanted for you.

So, don’t pray for “be happy”, “be healthy”, and “be wealthy.”

If you’re blessed with His presence, you’ll still feel your happiness even in your adversities. Depression is humans’ refusal of letting go to receive His presence.

If you’re blessed with His wisdom, you’ll know how to take care of your body, even when you’re sick.

If  you’re blessed  with His grace,  you’ll learn

to let go of your greed and covetousness for your wealth.

Always pray for your trust and obedience: trust that God will give you the power to “respond positively” to any life challenge you may face; obedience that God will give you the wisdom to embrace anything and every-thing to let go of your control of your own destiny.

Remember, your prayers are always answered, but not your own expectations.

The TAO wisdom (the ancient wisdom from China, based on the wisdom of Lao Tzu, the author of the ancient classic TAO Te Ching) shows you how to live your daily life, and how your prayers may be answered.

“An empty mind with no craving and no expectation helps us letting go.

Being in the world and not of the world, we attain heavenly grace.

With heavenly grace, we become pure and selfless.

And everything settles into its own perfect place.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 3) 

Li Ching-Yuan was probably the longest-living Chinese in history, who died on May 6, 1933 at the age of over 200 years.

This is one of his thought-provoking sayings regarding Zen, an Eastern philosophy about being and a way of thinking:

“Before I had studied Zen for thirty years,

I saw mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.

When I arrived with a more intimate knowledge,

I saw that mountains are not mountains,

and waters are not waters.

But now that I have got its very substance,

I am at rest.

For it is just that I see mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters.”

Li Ching-Yuan

Li Ching-Yuan was talking about awakening or self-enlightenment, which is always effortless and spontaneous. So, if you strive to know and understand anything and everything, the awakening may never come.

You may like to pray, but your prayers are seldom answered; then you’ll see “mountains as mountains, and waters as waters.”

Your desire in seeking God may somehow change your perspectives; then you may see “mountains are not mountains, and waters are not waters.”

But finding God, and living in His presence, you’ll just see that “mountains once again as mountains, and waters once again as waters”—in other words, “prayers are seldom answered or not answered at all” is not only irrelevant but also inexplicable. What really matters is that you’ve found the spiritual wisdom to live your life as if everything is a miracle.

So, don’t use your pre-programmed causal reasoning to make sense out of the senseless in life. Instead, express your trust and obedience to your Creator and fully live in His presence.

Click here to get Why Prayers Are Seldom Answered.

Click here to get The Complete Tao Te Ching in Plain English.

Stephen Lau

Copyright © Stephen Lau

Don't Die!

 

You Just Don't Die!

All About . . . .

In ancient times, many individuals were in quest of immortality, especially those in power.

For example, Qin Shi Huang (259 BC - 210 BC), the First Emperor of China and the builder of the Great Wall, had made many futile attempts to discover and access legendary sources of immortality during his relatively short lifespan.

Another example, the ancient pharaohs of Egypt might not have been on a quest for immortality because they earnestly believed that they were already immortal; nevertheless, they had spent an enormous amount of resources into retarding the decay of their physical bodies, as well as into building spectacular pyramids and grand tombs in which they could preserve their wealth and riches for their immortality.

Realistic Realities

Nowadays, we all know the reality that all humans are mortal and that death is as inevitable as day becoming night.

“Is there anything we can do about our mortality?” This might be a question that many of us would like to ask ourselves.

First of all, man’s perceptions of mortality always change with age and time. If you ask a young adult if he or she would want to live long, probably the answer is “I don’t know” or “I just don’t want to grow too old and decrepit, like my grand-parents.” The young adult’s perspective of mortality also explains why many of the younger generation are living a reckless lifestyle as if there is no tomorrow.

Naturally, their perception of mortality would change over the years as they grow older with a family of children, or if they have a successful career with all the trimmings of a luxurious lifestyle that they would like to continue. A longer lifespan would then become an extension of their own legacy or continuation of their enjoyment of the fruits of their own accomplishments. The inscription on the tombstone of Bruce Lee, the Hollywood actor, reads: “The key to immortality is first living a life worth remembering.” That says much about the hope of many to extend beyond the grave.

As aging continues, the fear of death or the unknown might also dawn on humans, driving some of the elderly into craving a longer lifespan in order to delay and defer the inevitable.

Indeed, many people may have different perspectives of their own mortality, depending on their upbringing, the life experiences they have gone though, their religious beliefs, as well as the meanings of death and dying to them. As a result of the differences, some may focus too much on death to the extent of creating death anxiety, while others may deliberately deny the existence of death, just like the ostrich burying its head in the sand.

The objective of this book is neither to convince you to crave longevity, nor to show you how to live to one hundred and beyond. It simply presents you with the consciousness of living the rest of your years as if everything is a miracle -- if you just don't die!

Click here to get your copy.

The Book Outline . . . .

INTRODUCTION

ONE: Consciousness Is Everything
TWO: Consciousness of Breath
THREE: Consciousness of Thinking
FOUR: Consciousness of Wellness
FIVE: Consciousness of Living
SIX: Consciousness of Changes and Challenges
SEVEN: Consciousness of Being

The above is what this book is all about. Click here to get your copy from AMAZON.

An excerpt from the book . . .

What is consciousness?

“The key to growth is the introduction of higher dimensions of consciousness into our aware-ness.” Lao Tzu

Consciousness is everything; if you are not conscious, you are not living your life, if not already dead.

What is consciousness? Being conscious is a "special quality of the mind" that permits us to know both that we exist and that the things around us exist too. Surprisingly, some of us may not have this consciousness.

Life is an inner journey that requires consciousness of the body and the mind, together with that of the soul, to continue to make its progress in the right direction in order to reach its final destination. Unfortunately, since the beginning of time, many people have traveled the same journey of life but without reaching their destinations because they simply lack their consciousness of the body, and the mind-not to mention that of the soul-to guide them along that journey.

Consciousness comes from the mind, which is created by the brain. Hippocrates (460 - 370 BC), the father of modern medicine, was one of the first scientists to observe and notice that people with brain damage tended to lose their mental abilities. He realized that the mind is created by the brain, and the mind crumbles piece by piece as the brain dies.

The human brain creates the consciousness of the mind, giving humans pleasures and displeasures, happiness and unhappiness, as well as many other positive and negative emotions and thoughts. They become our experiences which are stored in our minds, and these experiences also become our memories that generate our subsequent thoughts-they are the byproducts with which we weave the realities in our lives. Therefore, consciousness is the capability of the mind to see them as they are. Without consciousness, which is knowing what is happening in the mind, you just obediently follow what your mind tells you. That is to say, you have become a slave to your thinking, instead of being the master of your own thoughts.

Consciousness is probing deep into the conscious mind: asking meaningful and relevant questions, and then seeking self-enlightening answers to all the questions asked. After all, throughout one’s life journey, one has to ask many different questions at different stages, and seeking different answers from the questions asked. In order to reach the destination of one’s life journey. consciousness of the mind is a necessity, and not an option.

You Just Don't Die!

Believing in Yourself

 Believing in yourself is self-efficacy. Believing in yourself is confidence in your own ability, knowing what you have to do to win or simply to get what you want in life.

Diane Sawyer once said: “Whatever you want in life, other people are going to want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea that you have an equal right to it.” 

Believing in yourself is one of the first steps to success in doing anything that becomes the very substance of your confidence. To have confidence, you must set goals, and achieving your goals helps you build more confidence.

But believing in yourself is not easy, especially if you are getting older. You look back and there are so many goals you have not accomplish. Looking back in the past may create negativity in the form of victimization. In other words, you may find you are a victim of circumstances; this may also lead to bitterness, despair, or even anger.

One of the reasons why sometimes you don’t have self-efficacy is your obsession with your past. You could have been haunted by your past failures that generated regrets, bitterness, and disappointments that you have not been able to let go of. Attachment to the past is always a stumbling block to moving ahead. 

In addition, you may also be comparing yourself with others. Remember, nobody is perfect. Others may also have their failures that you are unaware of. You see only their successes but not their failures. Surprisingly, seeing your own imperfections may be the pathway to future success.

The Wisdom of Letting Go

The wisdom of letting go shows you how to use the ancient Tao wisdom from China to live in the present moment, and, more importantly, to let go of the past. With both  human wisdom and spiritual wisdom from the Bible, you may start believing in yourself again. With self-efficacy, you can do anything at any stage of your life, and the sky is the limit. 

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

 

Believing in Spirituality

Believing in Spirituality

Believing in spirituality may give you the miracle of becoming and transforming, giving you the happiness wisdom.

At some point in your life, especially as you continue to age, you may begin to sense your incompleteness, your loneliness, your limitations, your disillusions with human vanity, and you may then begin to long for someone or something that can truly fill and satisfy you, or your inner longing. In your youth, you might have turned to the physical world to gratify your needs and wants, such as successful careers, material comforts, and satisfying relationships, among others. At some point in your life, however, you may suddenly realize that your past wayward pursuits were all in vain—much like “chasing after the wind” (Ecclesiastes 2, 11)—and that you have deviated from your conscience and distanced yourself from spirituality or your Creator.

Believing in spirituality may enhance your consciousness of your own true self with the deep desire to become wholesome again. Becoming is a miracle of transforming your whole being, making you happier.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Money Reality and Money Wisdom

 If money really matters to you, then earn more.

To earn more, capitalize on the skills you already have, enhance and improve them, and look for better and richer employment. In addition, there are likely many other skills you may possess that cannot be or have not been fully maximized or utilized wherever you are working. Then, harness those skills and capitalize on them through doing some freelance work on the side to maximize your current income.

If, on the other hand, you do not have the basic skills, and you do not want to learn and acquire them, and yet you always crave money and wealth, then your cravings are only your money fantasies.

What are money fantasies?

Only your money wisdom can separate your money fantasies from the money realities.

There was the story of a beautiful and sophisticated woman in her mid-twenties who wrote to an investment counseling company looking for a list of eligible bachelors with earnings of at least $600,000 a year. That woman had money fantasies in her mind.

According to experts, using marriage as an investment is a money fantasy, and no more than a bad investment bargain—just like investing into a shrinking currency. Imagine, the beauty of that woman will shrink over the years, while the $600,000 may grow over the long haul.

So, marrying into money, buying the lottery, and winning at the casino are all money fantasies.

What are money miseries?

Money miseries are also the realities for many, who always feel dissatisfied, frustrated, insecure, and insolvent. This mental condition suffered by many is often a result of constant exposure to media news of the rich and the famous, as well as their own perceptions of “possessions equal satisfaction.” It is your own mental interpretation of what you see verses who you really are.

You have money miseries if you have a job with a modest income but still living from paycheck to paycheck. If you are struggling with money miseries, you need your money wisdom to change your belief system, to stop comparing yourself with others around you, as well as to identify all the whys of your emotional feelings about and around your money miseries.

Why so many are broke?

According to The Wall Street Journal, many consumers (nearly 70 percent) are living from paycheck to paycheck. More than 50 percent consumers worry a lot about money, such as retirement. Once they lose their jobs or encounter any financial crisis, they become broke.

Even wealthy celebrities, such as Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson, go broke.

Mike Tyson, a boxing champion with several heavyweight titles, earning over $300 million dollars during his successful boxing career, ended up in bankruptcy in 2003.

Michael Jackson, recording artist, dancer, singer and songwriter, earning more than $500 million dollars, was heavily in debt when he died in 2009.

Of course, you might say: “If I had those millions of dollars, I wouldn’t become broke?” But if you cannot change your current spending habits, it would be a lot more difficult to change them when you have become a wealthy celebrity, such as Mike Tyson or Michael Jackson.

So, going broke is no respecter of persons, whether you are poor or rich.

The bottom line: Everyone needs to have the money wisdom to know how to earn, invest, and spend money to avoid going broke.

Click here to ge your paperback, and click here to get your ebook.

NORA WISE

Copyright © Nora Wise

My "ANGRY NO MORE" Commands

 MY “ANGRY NO MORE” COMMANDS

As I continue to grow older, I often look back into my past to find out how and why I can become “angry no more” through my daily "commands" to myself:

1. My “Thinkfulness” Command

On waking up every morning, my first command and instruction to myself is “thinkfulness”, which is thinking of thankfulness that I’ve survived yet another day. My mind is filled with thoughts of what I should thank the Lord for—giving me another day.

2. My “Complaint” Command

Throughout the day, I try to catch myself mentally complaining about anything, especially related to my thriving, such as the obstacles in my anticipated achievement. By not complaining, I try to avoid putting my mind in a state of unconsciousness that creates negative energy and denial of the present moment. If I’m still complaining, I’m in fact saying: “I can’t accept what is, and I’m a victim of the present situation.” Understandably, in the present moment, I’ve only three options in any situation that I’m complaining about: get away from the situation; change the situation; and accept the situation as it is.

I ask the Lord to speak to me and let me listen. Then, I’ll command myself to act accordingly. Acting, taking no action, or accepting the situation—I pray for the Lord to take away my fear, my regret, and my negativity.

3. My “Stress” Command 

Stress is inevitable in everybody’s life, including mine, especially while growing older. With that realization, I’ve learned to command myself to re-focus more on the present, and less on the future. Without any timeline for my goals, I’ve learned to enjoy doing anything without thinking of the consequence.

4. My “Past” Command

In my life, I’ve made many mistakes that might have changed my life—maybe for the worse, or maybe not. Who knows? And who cares? After all, the Lord is in control of my life. Right now, I’m where He has destined for me. I never let the past take up my attention. I don’t let my thinking process create any anger, guilt, pride, regret, resentment, or self-pity. But, just like everybody else, I might still have my own negative feelings and emotions, but they never last too long. I believe that if I allow those thoughts of mine to control me, I’d look much older than my calendar age, and, worse, create a false sense of self. Reminiscing what was good in the past would only intensify my desire to “repeat” a similar experience in the future, and thus creating an insatiable longing that may never be fulfilled. Remembering what was unpleasant in the past would only generate my own emotions of remorse and unhappiness.   So, I just walk with the Lord, and command myself to let my bygones be bygones.

5. My “Present” Command

To me, living in the present holds the key to stopping my mind from processing my past and my future thoughts, which is the instinctive and automatic output of my mental process. My mind is cruel and demanding, such that I may easily become its slaves, doing whatever it commands and demands me to do without even being consciously aware of it. So, the only way to free myself from that invisible bondage is to live in the now, even though just for a short while. Living in the now changes my mind for the better: it cherishes my mental clarity, my deep insight, and my internal peace. Living in the now has become a strong tool for my mental self-control. So, I command my daily mindfulness to make me live in the now with the Lord’s Presence in my mind.

6. My “Future” Command

As I grow older, I acknowledge that I’ve the propensity to identify myself with my thinking mind, projected into the future with imaginary images of myself living in a nursing home, being totally disabled, and thus creating my own imaginary anxiety, fear, and worry. But I’ve also learned that the projected future is unreal because it doesn’t exist. It becomes real only when it happens—but not before or even after it. So, waiting for the future is only my state of mind: I want the future, but not the present; I don’t want what  I’ve already got, but I want what I haven’t got yet. So, I command myself to acknowledge my present reality—who I am, where I am, what I am doing with my life. My daily acknowledgement is my obedience to the Lord.

7. My “Misfortune” Command

Life won’t be wholesome without misfortunes and tragedies, which enable my appreciation of what life has to offer. There is a Chinese saying: “A man’s destiny can’t be summarized and sealed until nails are put on his coffin’s top.” So, I command myself to trust what the Lord has destined for me until the last day of my life on earth. Anyway, I wouldn’t be the person putting the nails on my coffin’s top.

8. My “Right Conduct” Command

Right conduct is living in the right way, which is more than “not breaking the law.” To be right with the Lord is to do all the right and the righteous things in my life through the Holy Spirit, instead of through my mind in my flesh. So, every day I command myself to turn to the Holy Spirit for help.

9. My “Failure” Command 

Life is full of failures, big and small. But they shouldn’t have become the stumbling blocks in my life journey. For example, I failed as an antique shop owner when I set up my retail antique business; I still have many of the antiques that I like, but I couldn’t find enough customers for my business to survive. Also, I failed as an entrepreneur when I bought a franchised cleaning business; I’d problems finding workers and ended up doing the cleaning myself. I always look upon my past failures with positive attributes: a lesson of humility to show my own limitation and inadequacy; a lesson of never getting what I want in my life; a lesson of strengthening my character; a lesson of perseverance and survival from failures. If I’d succeeded in my previous endeavors, I’d have embarked on a totally different life journey heading toward a totally different direction. Would I really have been better off or worse off? Who knows, and who cares? I never ponder on the “might have” or the “would have” scenarios. In addition, I often recall what Bill Gates said: “Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can’t lose.” So, I command myself to follow the Lord as my Shepherd.

10. My “Life Purpose” Command

I understand that life must have a purpose: an external as well as an internal purpose.

I realize that in life setting an external purpose is important, but not so important that it drives me crazy in pursuing it or giving it up altogether. As a matter of fact, there’s an external purpose that only sets me a direction for the destination of my life. In that direction, there’re many different signposts guiding me along the way. Arriving at one signpost simply means that I’ve accomplished one task; missing that signpost means that I’m still on the right path but simply taking maybe a detour or just longer time because of my misdirection or getting lost on the way.

My internal purpose is more important: it has nothing to do with arriving at my destination or not, but to do with the quality of my consciousness—what I’m doing along the way. That Jesus said: “gain the world and lose your soul” probably says everything there’s to say about the internal purpose of life for me. External purpose can never give lasting fulfillment in life due to its transience and impermanence, but internal purpose, because of its unique quality of being in the present moment, may give me inner joy and a sense of fulfillment. That’s how I feel about my internal life purpose.

No matter what I do in my life, I just command myself to do my very best.

Stephen Lau

Author of Angry No More

 

for the Lord to take away my fear, my regret, and my negativity.

 

3. My “Stress” Command

 

     Stress is inevitable in everybody’s life, including mine, especially while growing older.

  While working on my book, I often focus too much on the future and forget about the present. My mind may easily become preoccupied with getting to the next chapter or the completion of that book, such that I easily forget about the present. I realize that my stress is due to my “being here” but “wanting to be there.”

 With that realization, I’ve learned to command myself to re-focus more on the present, and less on the future. Without any timeline for my writing, I’ve learned to enjoy my writing and the writing process without thinking of the consequence.

 

4. My “Past” Command

 

     In my life, I’ve made many mistakes that might have changed my life—maybe for the worse, or maybe not. Who knows? And who cares? After all, the Lord is in control of my life. Right now, I’m where He has destined for me.

     I never let the past take up my attention. I don’t let my thinking process create any anger, guilt, pride, regret, resentment, or self-pity. But, just like everybody else, I might still have my own negative feelings and emotions, but they never last too long. I believe that if I allow those thoughts of mine to control me, I’d look much older than my calendar age, and, worse, create a false sense of self.

     Reminiscing what was good in the past would only intensify my desire to “repeat” a similar experience in the future, and thus creating an insatiable

 longing that may never be fulfilled. Remembering what was unpleasant in the past would only generate my emotions of remorse and unhappiness.