One Bondage Leading to Another Bondage

Human freedom of choice is often held hostage by its bondage to the flesh, where your corrupted body dwells and the origin of the desires and wants of your thinking mind that ultimately change the freedom of your choice.

No matter how soft or strong your bondage may be, one bondage always leads to another. The more bondages you have, the greater their control on the freedom of your choices and decisions, and the more wrong things you will subsequently do.

An illustration of one bondage leading to another and yet another

On July 4, 2022, a 25-year-old Black man in Akron, Ohio, was shot 60 times by 8 policemen. The news was widely reported in the media because the victim was a Black man and the police had presumably used “excess force” to gun him down.

The victim, who had no criminal record, was initially stopped at a routine traffic stop.

Maybe “racial injustice” and “excessive use of force by police” told the victim’s mind that he had the “freedom” to get away. So, he chose to get away. His “freedom” tied him to the “bondage” of “getting away.”

Driving away his car and being chased by the police put him in another mental situation that gave him the “freedom” to choose to fire his gun to “stop the police chase.” His freedom of choice only reinforced his bondage to “getting away.”

After stopping his car at some point, the bondage of “getting away” told his thinking mind that he had the freedom to “flee on foot” and so he did.

While running, his bondage told his thinking mind that he had the freedom to turn around to do whatever he chose and decided to do. But he was shot dead.

The above tragedy could have been avoided if the victim had not taken his “freedom” to “get away” in the first place, which led to his bondage that distorted his thinking mind with another freedom of wrong decision leading to another and yet another bondage that finally tied him to his own death.

The "freedom" of choice of actions and decisions is controlled and manipulated by the human mind which lives in the flesh. Probably, that's what happened in the victim's mind: "I'm a Black, and the police don't like me. The police always use excessive force. I've my freedom to get away as soon as possible."

FREEDOM with BONDAGE shows you how to free yourself from your bondage to the flesh that gives you the "freedom" to make the wrong choices and decisions in your everyday life.

 Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

God and Marriage

 

ACCOUNTABILITY IN MARRIAGE TO GOD

Lack of accountability to God for what you’ve been doing to your marriage and your marriage partner is one of the reasons why divorce is rampant these days.

You’re living in a world in which injustice and vengeance are rampant. Living in the midst of this storm of unfairness may cause you unhappiness and even your own lack of faith in God.

But seeing the lack of accountability in others should, on the contrary, enhance your own accountability not only in your marriage but also in your everyday living. God is forever just and will bring judgment and justice to all—at His own timeline.

An illustration

In 1984, Archbishop Valerian Trifa was deported from the United States after being accused of being a Nazi supporter, who not only had incited attacks on Jews, but also was responsible for executing many Jews in World War II.

After World War II, the former Nazi supporter came to the United States as a refugee immigrant. He assumed the name of Valerian Trifa, and he was ordained as a priest of the Rumanian church soon after his arrival in the United States. He rose quickly to the rank of bishop and then archbishop, who lived in comfort in a 25-room farmhouse on a 200-acre estate maintained by his church.

Then, a dentist, who was a Nazi survivor, recognized the Archbishop as the Nazi supporter. The case against the Archbishop was reported in the media, and then pursued for more than a decade long by some survivors of the Nazi, Jewish organizations, journalists, as well as by the Justice Department of the United States. Their joint efforts helped focus public attention on those Nazi war criminals who were living in the United States.

At first, the Archbishop vehemently denied his former identity, despite some handwriting experts had confirmed that his handwriting was identical with that in some of the execution orders he had carried out while he was a Nazi supporter. As luck would have it, with the advancement of forensic science, some experts could incredibly still retrieve some DNA from those execution orders with the Archbishop’s own saliva on them. That was his undoing, and his final judgment.

In 1982, the Archbishop was ultimately ordered to leave the United States. But he had spent two years trying to find a country that would give him refuge. In 1984, Portugal admitted him, and he finally settled in Estoril, where he died at the age of 72 of a heart attack.

So, believe that God is merciful, but also a just God, who’ll judge injustice and any wrongdoing according to His own timeframe.

So, living in the presence of God is showing your accountability to every aspect of your married life. So, be faithful to your marriage partner to receive the blessings of God in your marriage.

Getting Married to Make You Happy?

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

"Books By Stephen Lau"

BOOKS BY STEPHEN LAU

A New Blog about the 43 Books Written By Stephen Lau in the past three decades.

His books include books on Chinese Wisdom and Spiritual Wisdom, as well as books on Learning English, American Idioms, and English Slang and Colloquial Expressions.  Some of his books also focus on health, such as Autoimmune Diseases, Vision Health, and Longevity Living.

The Blog gives a brief Book Description and a Sample from each of the 43 books to help you see if any of them is suitable for you.

Go to: BOOKS BY STEPHEN LAU.

  

Health Awareness

 “All men by nature desire knowledge.” Aristotle

When it comes to erasing age, very often you are your own worst enemy.

Health Awareness

To become younger and healthier for longer, you must be aware of your own health conditions, whatever they may be at this moment

Do you have high blood pressure?

Are your blood cholesterol levels normal?

Do you experience regular physical pain, or frequent headaches?

Do you have difficulty going to sleep?

Do you have insatiable cravings for certain unhealthy foods?

Do you have anxiety or mental depression?

Is everyday life stressful to you?

Are you overweight?

Do you have any degenerative disease or chronic illness?

It is useless to deny the presence of any health problems you may have. Your awareness of your present health conditions is the first step towards erasing your age.

Health decision

Once you become aware of your own conditions, make a decision to bring about the necessary changes—a change in your attitude, and a change in your diet and lifestyle.

Adopt the right attitudes towards aging and wellness. The right attitudes include your quest for health information. According to a research study at Purdue University by Mohan J. Dutta-Bergman, published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research, “individuals who searched for health information on the Internet were indeed more likely to be health-oriented than those who did not. Consumers who sought out medical information on the Internet reported higher levels of health-information orientation and healthy activities, as well as stronger health beliefs than those who did not search for medical news on the Internet.”

Knowledge is power. Knowledge not only gives you more options in life, but also enables you to make your own health decisions, instead of replying on others to make them for you.

Empower yourself with health information. Do not reply solely on doctors or pharmaceutical drugs to make you younger and healthier for longer. They offer no miracle cures.

Nowadays, many doctors may find themselves unable to keep themselves abreast of the new knowledge of medicine in spite of their continuing education. In addition, many doctors may become so preoccupied with the ever-increasing paper work required by the health care machinery that they simply do not have adequate time for their patients. If doctors cannot devote their full attention to treating you, it just makes good sense that you should be more reliant on yourself to keep yourself younger and healthier for longer.

The pharmaceutical companies and the FDA have convinced not only the medical establishment but also the gullible public that costly drugs are the answer to all their health problems, despite their dubious track records and often-deadly side effects.

The use, misuse, and abuse of drugs account for 250,000 to 500,000 deaths each year in the United States. And do you still believe that pharmaceutical drugs provide all the answers to your health problems?  Dr. O. W. Holmes, Professor of Medicine, Harvard University, had this to say regarding pharmaceuticals putting you in harm’s way: “If all the medicine in the world were thrown into the sea, it would be bad for the fish and good for humanity.” Dr. Holmes’ statement speaks volumes of the potential harm of pharmaceuticals.

This is not to say that doctors and pharmaceutical drugs have no place in modern medicine—far from it. But you must equip yourself with knowledge to understand what your doctors are telling you, and why you should be taking certain medications, if need be. More importantly, become your own physician, and, indeed, the best you could ever have, because no man can be a perfect physician to you than yourself, and no one can tell you what your body needs other than yourself.

So, without the right attitude, it is difficult to initiate any meaningful change in your life. Let your mind control your body, and not the other way around. Therefore, what you feed you mind is as important as what you feed your body. A toxic mind is worse than a toxic body. Remember, your mind is most powerful if you harness its energies to create the reality for you.

The TAO of Living for Life

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

Ancient Wisdom and Aging

The human body has built-in body wisdom that keeps it young and healthy, that is, an innate awareness of its basic needs, as well as its warning signs and signals of internal disharmony that may lead to imminent disease and disorder. Therefore, wisdom is required to enhance this human consciousness to create a new environment in which the biochemistry of the body becomes the substance of awareness of beliefs, emotions, and thoughts, thereby instrumental in maintaining and sustaining the overall wellness of an individual to remain disease-free as much as and as long as possible.

Body wisdom is no more than everyday eating and living habits. Eating is a science, and living is an art; they complement each other, just as "yin" and "yang" do. Human wisdom is, essentially, the capability in creating and managing this art and science to live a better and a longer life.

Ancient wisdom plays a pivotal role in aging. Ancient wisdom, however, is not the same as contemporary wisdom. The former has more to ays do with the mind -- how it thinks and perceives; the latter focuses more on knowledge acquisition, and its practical applications in life.

To illustrate, Lao Tzu, an ancient sage in China some 2,600 years ago, was the author of the immortal Chinese classic "Tao Te Ching," which is one of the most translated and extensively read books of all time. According to legend, Lao Tzu wanted to leave China for Tibet, but he was stopped at the city gate, where he was forced to put down his wisdom in writing before he could leave. Reluctantly, he expressed his profound and eternal wisdom in only 5,000 words, and that was how "Tao Te Ching" came into being..

How is the role of Tao wisdom in living a better and a longer life?

Lao Tzu's wisdom is unique in that it emphasizes "reverse" thinking of the human mind, instead of the "conditioned" contemporary mindset. In other words, one must, first and foremost, have an empty mind before one can even think out of the box, not to mention creating one's own box in thinking. To illustrate, Lao Tzu's focus on "under-doing" (as opposed to "over-doing" or "the more, the better" contemporary mindset), "living in the present" (as opposed to "multi-tasking" modern lifestyle), and "no expectation of result" (as opposed to "goal-oriented" or "goal-setting" attitude of this day and age) is conducive to creating internal peace and harmony, which is the essence of living a stress-free life. The essentials of Tao wisdom are fundamental to the art of living well and the science of healthy living without stress.

In addition, Lao Tzu believed that true wisdom lies in internalizing and self-intuiting eternal truths. Unlike contemporary wisdom, Tao wisdom has no blueprint for all -- just as the health of an individual is based on the unique body chemistry of that individual; true wisdom, therefore, is acute awareness of the needs of the body, which is known exclusively only to that individual.

Another example of ancient wisdom is that of Hippocrates (377-460 BC), the "Father of Medicine." His basic principles of health and wellness are profound. For example, Hippocrates said: "Let food be your medicine and medicine be your food." His wisdom is quite contrary to the conventional wisdom of modern medicine, which overtly emphasizes the use of drugs. The United States is the riches but also the sickest country in the world, and our healthcare costs have skyrocketed in recent decades.

Hippocrates also expressed his wisdom in the art of living: "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." The wisdom of modern medicine focuses on cure through drugs and procedures, rather than prevention through a holistic approach to health and wellness of the body, the mind, and the spirit. The wisdom of modern medicine is simply on quick fixing the symptoms, instead of preventing their occurrence in the first place.

The wisdom of Hippocrates echoed that of Lao Tzu's "non-doing" or "under-doing" when he said: "To do nothing is sometimes a good remedy." According to Hippocrates, "everything in excess is opposed to nature" because of the presence of the innate body wisdom in self-healing. Unfortunately, modern medicine chooses to do just the opposite, and thus opening the Pandora's box, creating many more human diseases and disorders through toxic drugs and procedures.

To conclude, wisdom is about acute awareness and profound perception through the human eye to see things as they really are, without looking at them through colored spectacles. 

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau

My INGREDIENTS of My RECIPE OF LIVING FOR LIFE

The “Complaint” Ingredient

How I deal with my complaints

In my daily life, I always try to catch myself complaining about anything, such as the weather—whether I am making a comment or just thinking a thought about the weather. By not complaining, I try to avoid putting my mind in a state of unconsciousness that often creates negative energy and denial of the present moment. When I am complaining, I am in fact saying: “I cannot accept what is, and I am a victim of the present situation.” Understandably, in the present moment, we all have only three options in any situation that we are complaining about: get away from the situation; change the situation;  and accept the situation as it is.

If I want to take any action—whether it is getting away or changing the situation—I try my best to remove any negativity first and foremost.

If it is my decision to take no action, I honestly ask myself if it is fear that stands in my way of taking any action: I tell myself that any action is often better than no action. Staying in the present moment does the mental trick of controlling my thoughts: focusing my mind on the present moment, and looking objectively at the fear that may be holding me back from taking any action, without letting fear get into my subconscious mind to create any negativity.

If, after much deliberation, I still decide to take no action, then I accept it fully and consciously, with no regret and no “should have” or “might have” because the whole episode now belongs to the past and is no longer "real" for me. It is important for me not to experience any inner conflict, resistance, or negativity in the mental process of deciding to take no action.

The “Stress” Ingredient

How I deal with my stress

Stress is inevitable in contemporary living. My wife used to complain that I stressed her, and my spontaneous reply was: “If I don’t stress you, something or somebody would stress you. Just learn to cope with it!” Yes, everybody has to cope with stress, and not to deal with the stressor.

Awareness and concentration are important ingredients in mental clarity and relaxation to de-stress the mind.

The “Past” Ingredient

How I deal with my past

In my life, I have made many mistakes, which have changed my life—maybe for the worse, or maybe not. Who knows? And who cares?

I never let my past take up my attention. I do not let my thinking process create any anger, guilt, pride, regret, resentment, or self-pity. Like everybody else, I do have these negative feelings and emotions, but they do not last long. I believe that if I allow these thoughts of mine to control me, I would look much older than my calendar age, and, worse, create a false sense of self. 

Reminiscing what was good in my past would only intensify my desire to repeat such an experience in the future, and thus creating an insatiable longing that may never be fulfilled. To recall what was unpleasant in my past would generate my feelings of remorse and unhappiness. What is the use? I just let my bygones be my bygones. In my mind, there is no such thing as ”what if.”

The “Present” Ingredient

How I try to live in the NOW

To me, living in the present holds the key to stopping my mind from processing my past and my future thoughts, which is an instinctive and automatic output of my mental process.

The human mind is cruel and demanding, such that we easily become its slave, doing whatever it commands us to do without even being consciously aware of it. So, the only way to free myself from that invisible bondage is to live in the now, even though just for a short while. Living in the now changes my mind for the better. Living in the now is my mental state that cherishes my mental clarity, my loving compassion, my deep insight, and my internal peace; it is a strong tool for my mental self-control.

Yes, my mindfulness is my mental practice that can be performed anytime and anywhere. It is like my daily mini-meditation.

The “Future” Ingredient

How I stop myself from worrying about my future

To me, the solution to worrying is to stop identifying myself with my mind, which is forever projecting itself into the future, creating imaginary images of myself living in a nursing home, being totally disabled, and thus creating my imaginary fear. I have learned that the projected future is "unreal" because it does not exist. It is real only when it happens. I just have to learn to cope with the present moment, and not with the future—not before, and not after.

Waiting is a state of mind. I have learned to acknowledge my present reality—where I am, who I am, what I am doing with my life. 

The “Misfortune” Ingredient 

How I accept and embrace my tragedies

Misfortune is an ingredient that one needs to blend with the rest of the ingredients. My life will not be wholesome without my tragedies, which enable me to appreciate more what my life has to offer.

The “Right Conduct” Ingredient 

How I try to do all the right and righteous things

I believe that the art of living well is no more than acting in the right way and living in the right way. Right conduct is tantamount to asking the question: “How should one live in the right and righteous way?”—the question asked by many ancient Western philosophers, such as Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. There is no definitive answer.

The “Failure” Ingredient

How I deal with my failures in my life

The path of living is strewn with many failures, big and small. But they should not become the stumbling blocks in any life journey. Like everybody else, I have met my many failures: I failed as an antique shop owner when I set up my retail business, and as an entrepreneur when I bought a franchised cleaning business.

I look upon all my past failures with positive attributes: a lesson of humility to show my own limitation and inadequacy; a lesson that I may never get what I want in my life; a lesson to strengthen my character as a human being; a lesson to learn about perseverance and survival from my failures.

If I had succeeded in all my past endeavors, I would have embarked on a totally different life journey heading towards a totally different direction. Would I really have been better off or worse off? Who knows, and who cares? I never ponder on the “might have” or the “would have” scenarios.

The “Life Purpose” Ingredient 

How I look at my external and internal life purpose

I understand that life must have a purpose, or, more specifically, an external as well as an internal purpose.

I realize that in life setting a purpose is important, but not so important that it drives you crazy in pursuing it or giving it up altogether. As a matter of fact, my external purpose only sets me a direction for the destination of my life. In that direction, there are many different signposts guiding me along the way. Arriving at one signpost simply means that I have accomplished one task; missing that signpost means that I am still on the right path but simply taking maybe a detour or just longer time because of misdirection or getting lost on the way. 

My internal purpose is more important: it has nothing to do with arriving at my destination, but to do with the "quality" of my consciousness—what I am doing along the way.

That Jesus said: “gain the world and lose your soul” probably said everything there is to say about the internal purpose of life for any individual.

No matter what you do in your life, just do your very best and do it well, no matter how insignificant they may be.  I always tell myself to try doing everything as if God had called upon me at that particular moment to do it. Of course, admittedly, it is not always that easy, given that the human mind may be troubled by the ego-self, by invasive and unwanted thoughts from the past or by projections of those thoughts into the future. But having the mindset with the right intention is already the first step or breakthrough for me.

I understand that I have three options in whatever I have been called to do: do it; not to do it; and do it while enjoying the present moment of doing it. 

The “Death” Ingredient 

How I look at my death

I am now closer to the end rather than to the beginning of my lifespan. The thought of dying and death has become more and more real with each day passing. I have come to believe that most elderly people have similar experience. If I could ask but one question about the future, it would be: “How am I going to die?” and not “When am I going to die?”

I wouldn’t want to know about the when. To me, time is not a big factor. My desire to know the “how” is just out of plain curiosity. Anyway, they are just hypothetical questions without any answer.

In life, we all ask many different questions, some of which are practical, some hypothetical, and some without an answer. To many, living is a search for an answer to many of the unanswerable questions in life.

So, stop looking for an answer to every question asked, but continue to ask, and just live if there were no tomorrow.

Stephen Lau

Author, The Book of Life and Living

Books by Stephen Lau

 

Careers and Depression

 

Careers and Depression

The bag and baggage

To choose a career, to pursue a career, to change a career, or to end a career—they often come with the bag and baggage of the signs and symptoms of depression, such as fear, regret, disappointment, and among others.

Career choice

A case in point

A Chinese couple in North America have a son who wants to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. Their son in his early thirties decided to go to Beijing to learn the Chinese language as a prerequisite of his career pursuit. His parents have opposed to the idea of living in Beijing, or rather pursuing a career in the entertainment industry.

The different perspectives

From the parents’ perspectives: a really successful career in the entertainment industry is few and far between, especially if it is not pursued at a much younger age.

From the son’s perspectives: money, glamour, and quick recognition often come with success in a career in the entertainment industry.

The ultimate truths

A be-all-and-end-all career based on only one variable, which is money, may not turn out that way.

Any glamorous career is always competitive, but it does not mean it is unachievable at any age. Have an empty mind that everything is doable and achievable irrespective of the age.

Recognition should not be the only primary reason for pursuing any career; rather, passion should be the driving force behind.

Easy success in any human endeavor hurts ultimately,  especially a career in the long term, because it does not expand an individual’s capacity and capability to deal with problems when they get tough, or to have the persistence to go through them when things do not turn out as expected. Hard-earned success, on the other hand, may prepare an individual for more success in the future through persistence and perseverance. 

The reality

There is no right or wrong in the choice or pursuit of your career; after all, it is your career, and others may be looking at your career from their own perspectives.

Follow your passion, not people or what they say. Success comes from hard work, and not from wishful thinking. Spend your internal energy pursuing what you want, not defending or explaining why you want it; the latter has to do with your ego. Always ask yourself many self-intuitive questions about why and how you want to pursue your career goals.

TAO wisdom

According to TAO, choosing a career is like digging a well. Did you choose the right spot? Have you dug deep enough? If nothing happens according to your expectation, then self-doubt, reinforced by fear and uncertainty, may make you go for another spot. Going for another spot and yet another one may only bring you further frustration and more disappointment.

The bottom line: carefully choose your career, apply persistent effort, and you will find your initial investment of time and effort rewarding. Even if you choose to move on after a while, you will still find it very worthwhile because you have learned something from it Just remember that giving up is not an admission of defeat or disappointment; rather, giving up is letting go of any resistance when dealing with the chaos of life, and redirecting your energy to a higher purpose.

“The Way to the Creator is deep-rooted.

Unmoved, it becomes the source of all movement.

Stable, it enables us to act without rashness.

“So, whatever we do, we do not abandon our true nature.

The world around us is riddled with worries and distractions.

We remain stable, steady, and steadfast.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 26)

Do not abandon your true nature: be stable, steady, and steadfast.

Career advancement

Career advancement involves many new challenges and increasing responsibilities. If this is what you want, it may provide you with satisfaction and motivation to move on with your current career.

On the other hand, if career advancement is not right for you, then you may consider lateral move within your organization, that is, changing your daily duties but without increasing your responsibilities.

TAO wisdom

Wanting or not wanting your career advancement is your choice. According to TAO, your choice should not be based on control or power.

“Likewise, our greatness comes

not from our power or control,

but from our own true nature,

which is living as one with the Creator.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 34)

During career advancement, your procrastination may sometimes become an obstacle, causing frustration. Lao Tzu said: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.”

“Great accomplishments are only

a combination of small steps.

Difficult tasks are no more than

a series of easy steps.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 63)

So, begin your first step, and one step at a time, but do not overstep yourself.

“Striving to climb the ladder of success,

we may seem smart.

But trusting our Creator,

we find divine guidance,

which is effortless along the Way.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 28)

Climbing a career ladder successfully is never easy and smooth: involvement with argument and aggression is often inevitable. Ambition often comes with an aggressive and domineering personality, often leading to coercion and imposition.

According to TAO, do what you have to do, but without “over-doing” it, which essentially means acting without attachments or expectations, but with effortless efficiency. While climbing your career ladder, neither push someone over nor use any inappropriate means to remove any obstacle that may stand in your way. Career success stems from your contentment, and not your resentment

“Resentment breeds more resentment.

Only contentment leads to contentment.

True contentment comes from our true nature:

not from what we do, or how we do;

neither from our status nor our control.

The Creator is impartial.

No one is special.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 79)

In your career advancement, you may find the urge to argue to prove that you are right

“The wise learn to succumb, instead of arguing.”

(Tao Te Ching, Chapter 81)

Arguing with your co-workers or just anyone else can never bring any worthwhile benefits. When you feel the urge to argue a point with someone, take a deep breath, bite your tongue, and remind yourself that any combat is due to your own ego.

Countering any aggression with aggression is just like fighting fire with fire. According to TAO, when confronted with aggression, neither fight back nor back down; instead be gentle but firm. The objective is not to humiliate the aggressor but to transform the harm into harmony, and the aggression into peace.

“So, we advance

not at the expense of overstepping anyone.

So, we gain

not at the expense of making anyone lose.

So, we accomplish

not at the expense of straining ourselves.

We have no enemy.

We love everyone as ourselves.

We remain in our true nature;

otherwise, we lose

the three essentials of the Way,

and become our own enemy.”

(Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching, Chapter 69)

On the other hand, if you find that you have assumed an aggressive and domineering personality during your career advancement, do remind yourself the wisdom of not expanding your ego at the expense of others, because career success, like anything else, can never sustain itself over the long haul. The reality is that nothing lasts, not even a very successful career.

Stephen Lau

Copyright© by Stephen Lau